CONTEST ROUND 2 ends midnight May 31st!

Dinner for two at the restaurant of your choice to the first person who identifies the Toronto fakes! Log in to everybody's favourite free dating site, search TO, and leave us a comment. Tell us the profile names of the suspected fakes, with your email address so we can contact you, plus your reasons for suspecting the fakes.

Good luck, free love hunters! Don't step on any data mines!!

Can you guess who the fake female is (or should we say "fictional")?




Can you identify the fake Toronto male?

No winners in our April Contest, but we're at it again with 2 new fakes for May!

Towards a theory of lies

Unavoidable dishonesty and the medium of internet dating

Proposition: Internet dating is inherently dishonest. One could argue that dishonesty generally occurs as a result of negating the natural flow of events, messages, and ideas. It is possible to extend this observation to include the medium that conveys the dishonesty by pinpointing its conduciveness to negation of a message's natural attributes. The mosaic medium of internet dating combines text and images to summarize the sexual and social desirability of a potential mate. It is a form of first contact modeled on print advertising, coupled with the clumsiness of instant messaging designed to simulate conversational discourse. It is a disruption, a negation of the natural flow of mating signals that human creatures have employed from the time of our prelinguistic ancestors. Language, and particularly text, is the last modality of sexual attraction, and completely insufficiently equipped to replace scent, eye contact, gaze, tone of voice, touch, and other subtle messaging mechanisms of first contact. Furthermore, text summaries dispel the hunt instinct by dumbing down the traditional dance of information gathering. Have you ever been introduced to a new and attractive individual and followed through with the opening line "So.....are you planning to have children? How do you feel about spanking!?" I believe such an engagement would result in a frying pan to the skull.

So, where does this brief analysis leave us? In a virtual world where millions of years of mating and survival instincts are completely displaced by the most inappropriate medium for the desired result. As a result, we are left with a social environment in which rude and disrespectful behavior flourishes. The commercial internet dating scene at least presents the notion of value for money. But, is one more likely to demonstrate selectivity and honesty with the visa bill coming in every month? More on this soon….

Editorial note: interested in marketing S&M gear in NYC? Just pay the bots at your favourite free dating site for the stats! Why are we doing this? Because our favourite site would autobot banish us for questioning its generosity.
Guy

For sale by owner

I'm not sure that virtual women lie per se, although I've heard some doozies!!! I'd say it's more a matter of the sales pitch, the marketing ploy, the kind of writing style employed by real estate agents to move property. So, rather than lies, I'd like to highlight tactics of language designed to sell sell sell!!!

1. "ready to get on with my life" - Read as "NOT ready to get on with my life". If it's an issue worthy of mention, then it is a deliberate attempt to manifest that readiness, ready or not. There is a man lurking, haunting in the shadows somewhere. Watch for disparaging remarks about the ex-sucker, eyes rolling, sneers, and other indications of ongoing hatred. If you still despise the ex, ladies, you haven't forgiven him, you haven't empathized with him. If you haven't forgiven him, then you haven't let go of him. If you haven't let go of him, then you are not ready to get on with your life! Forgive him/let go of him for YOUR sake, not his!
   
2. "not into head games" - When this is a featured profile highlight, you are likely dealing with damaged goods. And remember, it takes two to play a game, and no man can compete with a woman at the natural art of social politics. Besides, negativity is hardly attractive. Would you buy a house if the sales headline was "Cracked foundation"??
3. "looking for a man who is able to communicate" Code for someone who never shuts up, never stops asking questions, and who accuses a guy of being secretive if he does not volunteer information on every aspect of his life, personality, history, cosmology, etc. etc.......Remember, when you ask a man "So, what are you thinking??", very often the answer honestly is "Unhh, nuthin'".
4. "Athletic" Wearing stretch pants does not make you athletic, especially if you decide to indulge in a "Banana Kaboom" at the Dairy Queen on your first date.
   
5. NO PHOTOS??? Let's face it, men fall in love with their eyes, women fall in love with their ears. So, unless modern science has figured out how to disable 2 million years of evolution connecting a man's optic nerves directly to his pants, then POST A PHOTO. It's just plain common sense. We cannot live outside of nature, after all. You may not like it, but that's the way it is, girls.

Guy

PS my god, Cherry, how did we ever get to be oh SO smart???

5 things virtual men lie about

I have spoken to several women who were disappointed after their first meeting in person after online chats. This is usually because the man was less than honest in his description of himself. I am not saying that women are any more honest, and I would like to challenge anyone to post their own top 5 list.

1. His height – if you are 5’9”. Say you are 5’9”. I don’t want to wear high heels and be taller than you all night.
2. Marital status – say separated if the ink isn’t dry on the divorce papers, and especially if divorce papers haven’t been discussed. Starting a relationship with a separated man is very different than starting one with a single, divorced or widowed man. Risking being the “transition chick” is not cool.
3. Smoker/non-smoker – It never ceases to amuse me how grown men think that a stick of gum or a quick gargle with mouthwash will cover up the taste and smell of a cigarette. It’s in your clothes, your car, your sheets, your hands and your mouth. We all used to try to hide our bad habits from mom and dad. Pretending to hide a bad habit in an intimate relationship is like herding cats – ultimately futile.
4. Looks aren’t important to me – That is complete crap!!! If love really is blind, then why do lingerie manufacturers make so much money? Everyone says they want a smart, funny woman, but those are attributes that fall right after gorgeous and sexy. There is nothing shallow about searching for a woman you think is attractive. It is hard coded into male DNA, don’t run away from it. Just remember that someone who is attractive to you, may not be attractive to your friends. Be a man and be proud of the woman you have chosen to be with.
5. I refuse to believe that snuggling and cuddling are anywhere near the top 5 things that men like in bed. I think it is a man’s way of saying thank you to the woman he just ravished (that is, if he did it right). In my opinion, stay away from the ones that like to cuddle, they are either gay or mama’s boys. Snuggling and cuddling caome naturally when a relationship has matured past the 4 or 5th weekend together.

I welcome any and all comments. Publishing an internet dating profile is a bit like listing your car or computer for sale. You highlight the good stuff and gloss over the bad, then sit back and wait for the offers to roll in. Some people might see right through the gloss, while others will only see what they want to see. The difference between buying a used car or computer and ho0king up with someone, is that the only risk you take with a purchase is money, while you risk things of more value than money when you fall for someone.

Let me know what you think!

Love, Cherry

"Behold the multicoloured polyphonic tides of revolution in the modern capitals!!!"

F.T. Marinetti

"Banish the bastards! Bury the data miners in the very pits they dig in our hearts!!!"

Guy P.

This evening I attended to a hurt soul who was stood up three times in the past 2 weeks by PlentyofFish dates. 3 ^%$#^%! times! And why?? Because the data miners have established a culture of deceit so insidious that the average schmoe doesn't even realize they are being asked to lie. Do you falsify a persona, a pseudonym, when you do face time with a new acquaintance? "Oh, by the way, when I told you two weeks ago that my name was George.....well, that was just until I decided if I could trust you." Add to that the pitiful discovery that someone made lotso $$$ off of your personal details without you knowing it, enabled by a deceit-prone experience design, and you've got a glimpse into the oligarchy known as POF.
2 million years of sexual evolution, the inperatives of deoxyribonucleic acid, the elegance of the double helix, the Lake Poets, the Schubert lieder, Audrey Hepburn films, the perfume industry, lingerie, family trees, candlelight, that smoldering glance that tells both of you that there is no turning back, all of it, all of goddamned it(!), displaced by subterfuge and profit. Whoever said "nothing is sacred anymore" must have known about free, accountability-free internet dating.

(...I f*cking weep!)

Omigod, he loves me!!!!

It's about the ROCK, not the ring!

I think I know why men are having such a hard time figuring out women and what they want. Feminists have skewed all the results. They say "don't treat me like a lady, I am your equal", and expect the man to pay for everything, make all the phone calls and give the romantic gifts. When was the last time a woman sent flowers, a case of beer or a good bottle of single malt for no reason? Does she resent the time you spend with your pals, while spending all her time talking to her friends? Are you supposed to carry heavy stuff, but can't open a door for her? How many feminists use their maiden names in the workplace, but have their husband's name on the credit cards?

Too many women spent too much time as adolescents dreaming about the perfect wedding. Note that I said wedding, not marriage. Girls keep scrapbooks of the perfect dress, flowers, flower girls and a dozen bridesmaids, the perfect house and hot and cold running perfect Aryan children. They think about the presents, the way things look and about the all important engagement ring. Nothing about what happens after the wedding day, except for the children which magically appear at the appointed time. If you don't have some tangible proof of a man's commitment to show your friends, and by this I mean an expensive, useless piece of jewelry, then you doubt the man's commitment. What if he invested in a joint RRSP that would allow you to retire comfortably when the time comes? Doesn't that prove more devotion that a sparkly trinket to show your girlfriends? What does the woman give to the man when she accepts his proposal?

Just asking.
Love, Cherry

Do women still wear "falsies"? Do men stuff their crotches!? I met a chick online who actually lied about being OLDER than she was. A medical resident, no less, who portrayed herself as being 9 years older (yes, older) than she was. I commented to her that my dating online life was perforated with little lies, left and right, little white lies. She sounded surprised, genuinely. When I contacted her for a next date, I noticed her age dropped by 9 years, and suddenly the chronology of what she told me added up. I gave her royal sh*t and told her she was going to make one hell of a doctor, considering how she could so disregard the feelings of complete strangers! I'm forming a theory as to why online dating makes lying almost unavoidable.
And what's with this cr*p from guys who apologize for being interested in looks, excuse eye appeal as being superficial!? More on that too, soon......G

My darling Guy,

In dating, nice always finishes last. If you present yourself as ballsy broad, men assume you are a fireball in the sack. Older men are attracted to her because she can make them feel potent and vital as they were in their twenties. Younger men are attracted because they cannot resist the lure of a "Mrs. Robinson", who can teach them what they need to know to find and keep a woman closer to their own age. Most of the younger guys can last about 10 seconds until Mrs. Robinson gives them the education they require. Most older guys can only last about 10 seconds, but a Mrs. Robinson knows how to make them feel virile in spite of their age-related limitations.

The only problem with being nice is that you tend to attract men who are looking for mothers, someone to tell them how to behave and when and what to do things. In my experience, 75% of men want good satisfying sex right NOW! and the rest want a mom to let him feel wanted and needed, cuddled and cared for. So the choice that is left to women is a disinterested studmuffin who just wants to f*ck, or a wimp who wants to be told what to do.

Cherry babe,

Why did the horrible scary obviously f*ucked-in-the-head character profiles get the attention of all those men? 'Cause of the promise of S-E-X! Proof: the hot ball-busting sexpot demanded to be treated like a lady, and sounded like she'd put out for the rich and famous. Nevertheless, every baseball cap-wearing juvenile delinquent under the age of 30 wrote to her. R they sirius?

The first thing I've learned from our experiment is that almost no one reads past the picture and the first couple of sentences of the profile. Why on earth would anyone reply to a email message that contains a single word? "Hi" Should I leap to respond to the interest shown? is this a message from someone who wants a quickie?

Almost everyone says they are looking for someone who is funny, smart, and sexy. Why did the bitchy, demanding and sexy profile get the most interest?

BEFORE AND AFTER:
Here's an interesting tidbit. We posted a photo of Guy as the homely dude on the left. In spite of the fact that he sounds like a dreamboat (hoping for a family, Bay St. exec., Mr. Charming, sails, etc. etc.) he did not receive a single, solitary message from any POF female. Nuthin! Nada!! ZIP!!! Within hours (nay, minutes...minutes!) of switching to a vastly superior photo on the right, he was inundated with dozens upon dozens of mail messages for days! Nothing changed, just the photo. Congrats to two savvy gals out there who at least questioned if his photo was actually real. Well, of course the photo is real, but, you get the point.

Well well well, I've been temporarily booted off of POF courtesy of "Admin", a.k.a. some computer admin geek sitting in a room full of whirling wires who decides what's real! Interesting, our relationships are being mediated by a perfect stranger, who's role it is to act as an arbiter of love, honesty, and freedom of expression. NO, not on the WWW, that utopian bastion of independent thought!

Very very interesting, considering POF has basically been set up to collect and sell demographic data on all us poor lonely saps looking for love. Nice, very nice. Why don't they ever mention THAT little piece of honesty as they decide who is telling the truth about themselves, and who is not? Who is this geek?? What does he look like>?? Has he had a date with anyone other than the Palm Sisters in his whole life???
xox
G.P.